Signs you’re Currently Living your Quarter-Life Crisis

You’ve done everything right in your life up to this point.  You went to high school. Graduated. Moved out of your parents house. Went to college. Graduated. Got a job to sustain your basic needs. Now you wake up everyday and wonder what the fuck you’re doing. Classic QLC.


Your job is not satisfying.  Any of the following scenarios may apply.   At one time maybe it’s what you thought you wanted, now it’s definitely not.  You’re stuck at a McJob until you figure out what you’re next move is.  You’re in “hurry up & wait” mode, just putting in time until you can move up the ladder.  OR you’re like me and went to college but now you have no desire whatsoever to pursue that thing you went to college for.

Sunday Brunch Caesers are your religion and also a metaphor for your existence.  A shot or two of alcohol dressed up as something of more substance, but really just an excuse to drink before noon.  You’d drink em everyday if you could but for some reason they’re always the Sunday cocktail special.

You sometimes kinda wanna have a baby… You also sometimes definitely don’t wanna have a baby.

You browse Craigslist and get emotionally attached to every listed west coast acreage you can’t afford for another 4 years, which is so close… yet so far away.

If I had a dollar for every rent cheque I’ve ever written, I’d probably have one whole rent cheque.  When I was 18, paying rent in exchange for a whole month of free will was the shit.  But somewhere down the line when you realized all the money you’ve paid in rent over the years, could of equalled a down payment (a couple times over) the freedom feeling dulls and rent-cheque-writing turns into a single-tear-rolling-down-your-cheek kind of experience.

Some of your friends are married.  Some of your friends are parents.  Some of your friends found Jesus.  Some of your friends are drunks.  Some of your friends are drunks in Thailand. Together these 5 categories equal 100% of your friends.

Your whole world right now is just day-in, day-out scrambling to find something you are passionate about.

Remember that time we did too many drugs and handled it like high-schoolers?  Sometimes you want to do that again but you don’t know how or where to buy drugs anymore.

You are tempted to make impulsive decisions, but the indecision is paralyzing.  Every decision is the worlds hardest because all you can think about is how each choice could potentially shape the rest of your life.

No pressure.


Signs you’re Currently Living your Quarter-Life Crisis

10 Things you Shouldn’t do After 2AM

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“Nothing good happens after 2am.”

Most people know the saying that applies to a night out. I’ve learned that whether or not alcohol is involved … it’s just a good rule of thumb.

There was a time (a dark, dark time, years ago) when my life was basically shaped by the repercussions of post – 2am decisions. It was hellish and avoidable but I can see now that it was necessary in becoming the happier, wiser human I am today.

So for your reading pleasure and future well-being, I’ve compiled a list (of bad experiences) of 10 things you really really really shouldn’t do after 2am.

  1. Change locations: Don’t go to another party. Don’t go to an after-hours-bar. Don’t go meet your drug dealer. Don’t go to your ex boyfriends house. Don’t go to any boys house, for that matter. Just go home and take your makeup off. You’ll be really happy you did.
  2. Shop online: What an excellent way to spend all your money and ruin your credit! This was my worst and most destructive habit for the first half of my college career. It took me a whole year but I did eventually pay off my credit card (Who T.F. gives a 20 year old a $5000 limit on their first credit card?! What?!) My next point…
  3. Banking: Not online, not at an ATM. No good will come of this.
  4. Creep your boyfriends Facebook*** (tres importante): I should probably make this number 1. Honestly, if you are already dating the person – you should probably never do this, like at all, like even during business hours. Because gurl, if you’re looking for trouble, insecurity, ex-girlfriends and self-inflicted heartbreak – yous is goin’ to find it.
  5. Fast food or anything from 7-11: Obviously.
  6. Don’t even make your own food: When it’s 2am and you’re freaking starving, you just don’t care. Your gonna make something that’s unhealthy to begin with and cover it in cheese. Doesn’t matter what it is, you’re gonna put cheese on that shit. You know it’s true. You will eat too much and then fall asleep. Then you will wake up in a panic in the morning and immediately engage in the worst bowel movement of your life. What a terrible way to start the day.
  7. Call anyone at all: Unless it’s like a serious emergency, you’re not calling anyone in good intentions. And booty is not an emergency.
  8. Tweeze your eyebrows: I PROMISE you, you will overdo it and you will hate yourself for it the next morning when you look in the mirror. I cannot stress to you how crucial eyebrows are, they can seriously make or break your entire face. Don’t screw around.
  9. Surgery: Don’t let your friends take out your stitches or cut off your casts. This one in particular always takes the form of a challenge and a really good idea, but is actually a really bad idea in disguise. There’s going to be that one friend that’s all, “No guys! It’s cool, I’m a dental assistant.” Need I remind you that dentists (nevermind, dental assistants) are barely medical doctors.
  10. Make life decisions: Humans naturally get a little crazy when the moon is out. Any serious decision you’re about to make is best left to the next day. You’ll always make a better choice if you sleep on it and make up your mind in the daylight, with a clear head. This is actually a good rule for any and all decisions.

Ted Mosby said it best;
“When it’s after 2am just go to sleep.
Because the decisions you make after 2am…
Are the wrong decisions.”


10 Things you Shouldn’t do After 2AM